Un-Curious George

The following original story is like Curious George but with Bush as George and Cheney as The Man with the Yellow Hat. It is a little immature indulgence purely for your personal enjoyment.

There once was a man named George. The thing about George was that he never wanted to go on adventures, so he was always called Un-Curious George. His favorite thing to do was to herd cattle on his ranch in Crawford, Texas. George had a friend, The Man with the Bad Heart. One day, The Man with the Bad Heart said to George, "Bill Clinton's second term will be over soon. It's time for Republicans to take back the White House! I think you should run for president, George!"

George wasn't curious. "Why should I? I'm not cut out to be the president."

The Man with the Bad Heart said, "Don't worry George, you wouldn't really run the country. That would be my job. I'd be your Vice President."

George didn't even look up from the cartoon he was watching. "Whatever you want."

So The Man with the Bad Heart started to put together a campaign. In order to run for president, George had to first defeat Senator John. So The Man with the Bad Heart decided to run mean ads saying that Senator John lied about being a hero in the Vietnam War.

When The Man with the Bad Heart talked to George, he said, "George, you beat Senator John. You're running against Vice President Al in the election; aren't you curious about how you can beat Al?" George wasn't curious.

"I think I'm going to take another vacation," said George.

Vice President Al was a tough opponent for George, but it didn't really matter because George wasn't really working. The Man with the Bad Heart made George talked to kids and kissed babies. Finally, Vice President Al wanted to have a debate with George.

"I don't want to debate Al," said George.

"You have to, George," said The Man with the Bad Heart. "Otherwise, you'll lose, and I - I mean you - won't be the president."

George debated Vice President Al, but George wasn't used to speaking without a teleprompter, and he didn't want to study so that he would be ready. Instead, he put on a cowboy hat and napped. Whenever someone asked George a question, he had to think really hard before he answered, something he wasn't used to doing. All the smart people said Vice President Al won the debate, but The Man with the Bad Heart made sure that lots of people saw ads saying bad things about Al.

When election day came, people got very excited. Storekeeper Sam and Construction Worker Fred knew they would vote for Vice President Al, but CEO Charlie and Businessman Bob knew they would vote for George. The election was very close, and all that was left was to see who had won Florida; whoever won Florida would win the election.

"George, aren't you curious about the election results?" asked The Man with the Bad Heart. George wasn't curious.

"My cousin at Fox News can say I won. Everyone will go along with it."

So George's cousin said George won Florida, and the other networks started to say so, too. But there was a problem: Vice President Al said it wasn't fair. "I demand a recount!" said Al. This worried The Man with the Bad Heart.

"George, I'm sending Mr. Baker and his friends to Florida to stop Vice President Al from recounting the votes."

"Whatever," said Un-Curious George.

Mr. Baker went to Florida, but the Florida Supreme Court said that Vice President Al could recount the votes. The Man with the Bad Heart said to George, "We should appeal to the United States Supreme Court, or we won't win!"

So George's campaign appealed to the Supreme Court. They said that the Florida Supreme Court wasn't allowed to let Al recount the ballots. The United States Supreme Court had 5 people supporting George and 4 people supporting Al, so they agreed with George.

Un-Curious George became the president, and The Man with the Bad Heart became the vice president. Afterwards, lots of people counted the votes and realized that Vice President Al should have been President Al. Vice President Al would have won the election if everyone's votes were counted.

But was George curious? Of course not.